"Weird - your engagement ring looked bigger on Instagram..."
“Wow, I never thought you guys would get married.”
I mean, thanks...?
“Wait - are you pregnant?”
Are you genuinely so flabbergasted that we're engaged that you can only possibly imagine it happening if I was growing a whole other human inside me?
“I can’t believe you said yes!”
“I can’t believe he asked!”
“The ring looked bigger on Instagram. Why are you looking at me like that?”
Yes, how clever of you to notice! It's been inspired by the #bodygoals hashtag it spotted on the 'gram and has started experimenting with pilates and yoga.
“Am I a bridesmaid? OMG! I am, aren’t I? I’m so excited!”
Fine, of course, if you're planning to ask them to be a 'maid. Totally cringe-worthy if you're not.
“The kids can come, can’t they?”
Assumptions about your guest-list size and venue capacity are just not cool. Avoid any awkard conversations by making your policy on children/plus-ones/etc crystal-clear from day one.
“What do you mean, you’re thinking of tying the knot overseas? Selfish…”
If it's what you and your partner want to do to celebrate your wedding, it's not selfish.
“How much is your ring worth?”
More than you could ever imagine, my friend.
“Are you going to take his last name?”
Does it bother you more if I do, or if I don't?
“Jeez, marriage is just such an outdated concept, don’t you think?”
Yes, roll on 2055 when the robots can feel our feelings for us.
“How much are you going to spend?”
I guess you'll have to work that out for yourself when you see the pictures on Facebook.